5 Reasons the Anti-Trump Should Vote For Trump

I know it sounds pretty hypocritical to say I’m voting for Trump, but I don’t support him. But… hear me out here. I don’t like Trump. I don’t like his personality, I don’t like the way he treats people, I don’t like his ego and I don’t like his idea of “making america great again”. So why would I vote for him? Well, despite the amount of dislike I have for Trump.. there are a few things that are more important to me…

  1. I will not take my freedom to vote for granted

Not everyone has the freedom and ability to pick their country’s leader, but I do and I will. It would be a disgrace to my country and soldiers to throw away something they worked so hard for.

2) I see one very bad option and one…. slightly less bad option

I’m going to be honest; I think Hilary will destroy our country-most people would agree. However, not saying I fully believe Trump will better our country, because I don’t. I just think he will do less damage in comparison to Hillary.

3) My Maturity

I am not going to sit around like five year old in a temper tantrum complaining about how much this sucks. I know it does suck and I am in no way thrilled about the situation. However, I know my responsibility as an adult, U.S Citizen and Christian.

4) I desire to make a difference in the world… preferably a good one

A lot of us claim to want make this a better world, to make a difference, etc. But how many of those same people are going to sit on their coach during election day and refuse to vote? That sure is a difference you’re making there…. in the couch cushions…

5) I enjoy being tan 

Maybe if we are lucky, Trump will make all tanning free for U.S. Citizens!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why You Shouldn’t Go To College If You Want A Good Job

“Go to college so you can get a good job and make a living”

“You won’t be able to get a good job without a degree”

Lies. They are both lies. 

No, do not go to college so you can make a living.

Yes, you will be able to get a good job without a degree.

If you are hoping to get a good job by graduating from college, you won’t. If all you are putting into your education is a “I just want to be rich” attitude, you will be saying that forever. DO NOT GO TO COLLEGE IF YOU WANT A GOOD JOB. 

Go to college because you desire to learn about something you are passionate about. Go to college so you can be excited to go to class everyday and continuously move towards your goal. Go to college to grow, learn, expand and strengthen your natural skills and passions.

We have taken what college is meant to be, a place to educate ourselves and become professionals in something we love,  into this place that gives just about anyone who is willing to write papers, a degree… so they can be rich. That’s literally all college is to some people; a gateway to fortune.

Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?!

I don’t know about you but I hate walking into my classroom and see nothing but dead, unconcerned faces that rather not be there. If you don’t want to be here.. why are you?

How many people actually have up-to-date knowledge and experience in the areas that their degrees say they do? Very few. I can’t even count the times I went up to somebody and asked them a question related to their major and they could not answer it correctly.

Students graduate because our generation knows how to B.S. things all too well.

Most students learn more about presenting themselves like they know content rather than actually presenting themselves with the content they do know.

I always thought that when I went to college and started taking my core classes, I would be in a room full of people that have desire and passion and energy to become better. But in reality, I’m in a room full of people who have no self-motivation.

I get it, college can be tough. Some days you just can’t be mentally there. Some days you don’t have energy to be passionate because you are so drained. I get it, I really do, I have those days too. The days where I don’t care about anything but sleep. The days where I am so drained that I just need a day off, a day of relaxation and fun. But guess what, that’s not college, that’s life.

I wish that college was not an expected thing for everyone. Because, it’s not for everyone, it doesn’t matter how cliche that phrase is, it is true. Some people have natural skills that they can enhance elsewhere, some people have talents that do not require training, and some people are content in the jobs they have.

Going to college to become rich but not putting in the effort is like spending all your money on gym memberships and health products but never using them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 Hobbies That Won’t Break The Bank

  1. Scrap-booking

It doesn’t have to be the stereotypical colorful paper, stickers and Elmer glue. You can spend the afternoon walking around town, exploring new places and capturing the moment through a lens. Then go to your local wal-mart and get instant prints of your pictures for only $.49 each! Head on home and make a couple collage pages from the pictures of earlier and add to the book each week! By the end of the year you will have a great memory book that will spark stories and memories you had forgotten about!

2. Random Acts of Kindness

This one is really fun! You never know the adventures and journey that will come from this one! Go to your local Dollar Tree pick up a basket and fill it with hygiene products (deodorant,  mouthwash, washcloths, etc.), snacks (something that doesn’t expire quickly but is still nutritious is best, like granola bars), water or other drinks, and paper and markers! It’s fun to put little cards or notes of encouragement in there as well! Dazzle it up to make it look cute and presentable then walk or drive around and if you see someone in need, give them the basket! This can be a great weekly activity for kids in the summer time. Once a week they can go to the store and make their own basket to give to someone!

3) Baking 

Any kind of baking or cooking is fun when there is no pressure! Some ingredients may get costly, just plan and budget ahead of time for what you would like to make for the week! Pinterest some new and exotic meals and treats and attempt to make it yourself! If you are unsure how it will turn out, it is best not to plan the recipes for meals, just do it for some extra snacks and fun! It can also be a fun family night to make some homemade well-known snacks (graham crackers, Doritos, copycat recipes) and also have the original store bought item and have your family try to decipher which is homemade and which is store bought! Each member can make something of their own! Here are some recipes I found:

4) Free Museum and/or Art Gallery Days

A lot of museums have free admission days, or “pay what you want” days where you just give a small donation to enter. This can be a fun date night or family day! While going through the museum try to interpret what the meaning/story behind the exhibits are without reading the information plaque Keep score and who ever gets the least interpretations correct has to buy ice cream, smoothies, coffee, etc. for everyone else!

5) Play With Animals

Most shelters and pet stores allow you play with their animals if you just ask! This can be a good stress reliever for a hectic week too! Nothing says relaxation like a cute puppy licking your face. Pet-Land even has divided spaces you can go in and request which puppy you would like them to bring out for you to play with! You may even come across some volunteer opportunities!

6) Volunteer at a Shelter or Soup Kitchen 

This can be a really good family night, especially if you have kids! You could also sue this night as a date-night. Even though it is not has glamorous or romantic as a candle lit dinner, there is something about serving and helping others together that strengthens and renews a relationship! When you get home you can make a list of what you are most thankful for. If you don’t believe me, try it!

7) Have a Yard Sale- Enjoy the funds!

This may be a lot of work, but it can also be a lot of fun and help open up some space in your house or storage area! To make it less stressful, you can spread it out throughout the year (It’s best to start in the spring or summer so when you have reached a year the weather is practical for a yard sale). Each week put at least 1-2 items in the “yard sale” tote that you don’e use or wear. By the end of the year you should have a couple totes of things to get rid of! Allow everyone in the family to have their own totes of stuff to sell and mark it with their initials. When  the sale is over, each member gets to keep the money they made from their items. This can bu used for a family-fun day at an amusement park, spending money on vacation, a new item they have been wanting, etc.

8) Blog

This can be a great way to strengthen your writing skills and receive feedback from other bloggers! It is also a great way to organize your thoughts and put your opinions out there in an anonymous and professional way. Facebook is not the place for venting/rants, even if we want it to be! Put it in a blog, add a catchy title, and publish it!

9) Make Homemade Videos

Whether it be a music video, a vlog, or a documentary… it is a great way to capture a memory and share it! Make it funny, informative, political, or pointless… it’s up to you!

10) Exercise 

This does not sound as fun as #3, I know. But, hear me out. Find an exercise that fits you! It does not have to be going to the gym everyday. It can be taking daily walks with your dog around town, taking some dance classes, kickboxing, yoga, Pilates, recreational sports, etc. The choices are endless! Find one you enjoy and stick with it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank You Letter To My Bridesmaids

Dear Beautiful Bridesmaids,

You have done and continue to do so much for me. Even before we became a wedding party, you were always there. Thank you. Thank you for always being supportive of me and encouraging me. From the time I cried in fear of things not working out, to the time I was jumping with joy during the rehearsal dinner. You were always there. Whether it was through face time, text, or face-to-face, you were there ready to support me. But, most of all, thank you for showing me what a bridesmaid is. A bridesmaid is not just the stereotypical friend who helps you plan the wedding and fixes your hair on the big day. Because of you I know that a bridesmaid is so much more. It’s someone who is selfless, considerate, strong, supportive and committed. Not just to the wedding, but to me. Long before I was ever a bride-to-be, you were still all those things. You have always been so selfless and considerate of me. You have always been one of the strongest people I know and look up to. You have always supported me in everything, whether it be homework assignments, recreational sports, or just life. You were there. Committed to our friendship, no matter what. If I made a decision you didn’t like or understand, you talked to me about it and loved me through it. You never judged, you never had disbelief in me, you never turned your back on me and mainly… you never faked your love and support to me. It was always so real and genuine and that I am most thankful for. Don’t get me wrong, I am graciously thankful for all your time, money and effort put into my big day. From buying your apparel to helping me decorate until three in the morning the night before the wedding. I am forever grateful. But even after all that, I would still choose your friendship above all else. When everyone else had doubted me and betrayed me, you were there to pick me right back up. Thank you for never letting me stay down. I am forever grateful for you and our friendship. That is why out of everyone, you were bridesmaid.

Love,

The Grateful Bride

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Open Letter to The Family Member That Abandoned me

I’m sorry. I am sorry you could not see my growth, that you couldn’t see the potential in me and where I was going. I’m sorry you thought I would stay the small-town farm girl that everyone knew. I’m sorry that I exceeded everyone’s expectations of myself.

That’s a funny statement isn’t it? “I’m sorry I exceeded expectations”.. especially to a family member.. what?! Isn’t family suppose to hold you to high expectations and encourage you to go far in life? Don’t worry if you thought that way, I did too. I always thought my family would be my backbone, my support system, my encouragers, my everything… like everyone else’s family seemed to be to them.

I guess that’s just what happens when I followed a path that you didn’t want me going on. I put on my big girl pants and made a choice in my life. A choice that I thought, and still think today, was the best option. A choice that I was ready to accept any rewards or consequences from. A choice that was allowing me to become me.

But you didn’t like that, it was too much for you. It wasn’t what you thought I would do. You wanted me to be your puppet. Maybe you were scared of losing me. Maybe it was fear of getting myself in trouble and you didn’t want to see that. Maybe it was you being too selfish to be happy for me.

Just so we are on the same page; I cried. I cried that day when I received the texts “You don’t fit in with us anymore” and “just forget me and the rest of your family because we are done”. I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe. I missed half of my favorite class because I couldn’t get myself together.

But once that day was over- the rest of my life finally began. 

I could move on with my life knowing that I finally got rid of what was holding me back. I grew so much from that one experience. I saw what happens to an undisciplined child as they grow up. I saw what kind of monster bad-parenting could do. I saw exactly what I did not want in my life and definitely what I did not want in my family. I saw a door opening to a better, happier and healthier life for myself and my family.

So what am I doing now?

Now, I am enjoying every single second of life with my beloved husband. I am enjoying being happy and being encouraged by my new family.  I am enjoying learning what a supportive family is like and how far you can go with their support. I am attending every second of my classes, learning as much as I can. I am loving how great life is when you no longer waste your precious moments on toxic people.

I am exceeding in my job for the university’s admissions office where I am gaining more experience than I could ever imagine. I am pursuing two degrees in psychology and chemical dependency that I am more than excited to accomplish and achieve. I am an officer for the psychology club on campus and I have accomplished Deans List the past three semesters. Next Spring I will be traveling to Africa to do field research on depression. After that, I will be on my way to obtaining my masters in social work as well as marriage and family counseling and then my PhD in developmental psychology.

Marrying my husband and gaining his wonderful family was THE BEST decision I have ever made.

I am so thankful that you made your way out my life, whether it be temporary or permanent, I would have never been able to achieve all I have/will without you abandoning me because I was “selfish”.

Sincerely,

The forgotten family member

 

 

An open letter to the feminist on my newsfeed

**WARNING: This post may be offensive to all feminist and/or feminist supporters. Read at your own risk of being offended.**

Dear Feminist,

I appreciate all that you do, I truly do. I appreciate how passionate you are and how strong you are. I appreciate how you stand for what you believe in. The problem is, you are taking it too far. The whole feminism movement is hurting itself. You have taken it so far that even other females despise feminists. Don’t you think that’s kind of sad? The foundation of feminism is wonderful. I love the idea of women having equal employment, voting and other rights. But why do we need to keep proving ourselves to men? Doesn’t that go against all feminist ideals? Feminist are suppose to empower equality, independence and strength in women. But are you really doing that by constantly seeking approval from society? All I see when I see a feminist is a close-minded/stubborn female who is so easily offended.

The Feminist movement has gotten to the point where girls are practically saying they can dress however they want and they do whatever they want and whatever happens to them is not their fault. I find it absolutely mind-boggling how a girl can go out practically in a bikini (or less) get as wasted as she wants ,to the point where she couldn’t even say no if she wanted to, and find it okay to not accept any responsibility at all for what happens next? If you decide to go out and flaunt parts of your body that only your husband should be seeing along with getting so wasted you don’t even know what is going on, you need to be smart enough and mature enough to realize the situation you are putting yourself in. Not only are you and all your friends wasted, but so is every single guy around you. They also aren’t 100% conscious of what is going on around them. JUST LIKE YOU.

If you are drunk and driving home from a party and someone crashes into you because you pulled out in front of them in an intersection are you going to tell the police that the driver “took advantage” of you because you were drunk? Or that You weren’t sober enough to get out of the way? Since you’re a feminist and you think you have no responsibility and the world lives for your equality, you probably would. But the officer won’t accept that answer.

Now, I realize a lot of you have probably already been offended and are on a rage. So let me comfort you a little. I am not saying and I NEVER will say rape is okay, nor is it the woman’s fault. Rape is an absolutely, horrible, despicable and horrendous thing that deserves severe consequences. Never should the victim be considered guilty in anyway.

However,  we as girls DO need to consider what we wear and where we wear it. Now, I know this is a touchy subject and feminist hate being told what to wear. Which is why I am not telling you what to wear, I’m telling you what happens when you wear certain things. (Don’t get too mad yet, hear me out.)

I’m going to be real and I am going to be honest. I am not going to sugar-coat the feminist side, nor the anti-feminist side.

Girls, wearing sexy and provocative things is going to get a guys attention and get his sex drive going! I mean, that’s why you are dressing that way, right? That’s just human nature. We cannot blame a guy for being out in public and see a beautiful woman in a sexy outfit and have an immediate sexual thought. However, what he can be held accountable for is his actions on those thoughts.

Girls, when did we become so inconsiderate that we thrive to be a tease to all men? When did we become so insecure that we need to get the filthy attention of pigs and then blame them for falling into our trap? And the most important question… when did this all become okay?! Do we really think that it is practical to dress for attention and then complain when we get it? You are wearing that near-to-naked outfit for a reason… to feel sexy, to get attention/compliments, etc.

STOP USING FEMINISM AS AN EXCUSE TO DRESS SEDUCTIVELY.

I am not by any means encouraging long sleeve shirts and baggy pants wardrobe for women. Show your shoulders as much as you would like, wear shorts, wear tank tops, wear pretty dresses. That is not the problem. The problem is when you wear shorts that let your butt hang out, your extra padded push-up bra, your two sizes too small tank top that shows everything but your nipple. THAT IS THE PROBLEM. When you are dressing like you are asking for it, you better be able to handle the nasty comments from the pigs in the pick up truck passing by you. If you don’t like the results, stop giving the signs. And don’t even act in denial about it. You know how you are dressing. You know what you are showing the world. You know how you are presenting yourself. So you better know your consequences.

Now, the whole “women are being asked what they were wearing before they got raped” issue in another problem. As said before, I strongly believe the victim should NEVER be considered guilty. BUT… I can’t help but to think that this question arose because of feminism. Because too many girls were sending the signs and presenting themselves in the  wrong way and they were not prepared for what they were asking for. Too many ladies were stripping at parties because they decided to get too drunk to know. Too many ladies were drunk flirting with men. Too many ladies thought they were just having a good time while the men saw an opportunity. Is it right? No. Is it the way this screwed up world is? Yes.

There are creeps in this world. Don’t put yourself in these types of situations for your own safety.

Also, ladies we need to learn our place in this world. God created man FIRST. He created women OUT of man. He created women to accompany man. I realize if you are not Christian, this has absolutely no meaning to you. But, men are specifically designed to lead. I know women have the ability and talent to lead and be leaders, and that is honestly great. Some of the most brave heroes in the world, are women.. and that is freaking awesome!!! But, as sad as it is for feminists, we are not above men. It’s not God’s design. HA. crazy right? Trying to implement God’s plan in this crazy, out of function, right-demanding world. Seems nearly impossible.

Yes, we need to stand up for ourselves and for our rights. But I think we are confused as to what are rights actually are…

  1. We obtain all of the rights as a United States Citizen. (just as men, nothing extra, no extremes, just the original US citizen rights)
  2. We obtain the right to choose whether we want to work or not… just like everyone else in the world.
  3. We obtain the right to have children or not to have children.
  4. We obtain the right to choose whether we want to marry or stay single. Just like males.
  5. We obtain the right to choose whether we want to be a feminist or not. Not all women are, or want to be a feminist.
  6. We have the right to use our skills, talents and accomplishments to better the world.
  7. We have the right to decide what kind of wife we want to be (if any) if that means cooking/not cooking, cleaning/not cleaning, etc.

This is what feminist see their rights as….

  1. We have the right to be the head, to be the almighty and to be praised for all that we do.
  2. We have the right to be viewed higher/more important than males.
  3. We have the right to wear whatever we want, or nothing at all and accept no responsibility for it.
  4. We have the right to do whatever we want, though it may have consequences, and not be held accountable for it.
  5. We have the right to be offered more than males in every situation.
  6. We have the right to be offended by nothing.

If feminist were more reasonable, I bet it would be a bigger, more respected group. Feminism needs to stand for freedom of choice; not for freedom of consequences.

Sincerely,

The concerned, anti-feminist

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m a Christian and I don’t rely on prayer to heal me…

I have mental disorders. I struggle with it daily.

Sometimes it gets so bad I can’t even function throughout the day without it hindering me. I live a lot of days in fear, worry and hopelessness.

“Well, do you know Jesus and that don’t have to be those things?”

Yes, I know Jesus. I have a great relationship with Him. Yes, I know I don’t HAVE to live in those states. But, I don’t really have a choice. Those feelings and states of being come whether I invite them or not.

That statement might have upset you… “I don’t have a choice”.. a lot of people think depression and anxiety are a choice and that you can get rid of ’em when and if you please. *Dwight Voice* False.

Now, if that last statement upset or offended you….wanna hear something that is going to upset you even more?

PRAYER DOES NOT FIX ME. It won’t take my anxiety away. I still feel hopeless, though I know there is a Savior who loves me and gives me purpose, I still feel that way.

Sure, some days I am able to just ignore the feelings and go on with my day. You learn to know what you can and cant ignore. Sometimes ignoring it feeds it more and sometimes  trying to figure it out feeds it. You learn how to handle it.

But for the days where I can’t handle it. Where it consumes everything I am and have. Where I cant have one normal thought throughout the day. Those are the days where I need more than just prayer.

You see, what I have learned throughout my mere 20 years on this earth is that even God does not operate on prayer alone. When you pray, you also have to act. One cannot pray for a job opportunity and not be actively looking for jobs. That’s pure stupidity.

When the cross I carry everyday is too heavy, I cannot pray for God to just take it away. I need to pray for His mercy, grace, and love to consume me. For Him to overwhelm me with His love rather than the anxiety.

I need to pray to God that the medicine works.

Mental disorders are not a spiritual weakness. I don’t feel anxious and depressed because I am not close with God. I feel that way because I have medical problem. A problem that needs serious attention and care. And God knows that. He knows it’s tough. He hates seeing us depressed and anxious and living in fear. Which is why He gifted doctors with the the specific skills and talents it takes to assist these problems.

A lot of people don’t view mental disorders as someone’s cross to carry. It’s more than often considered a spiritual weakness.

There are some things that God just not take away. Yes, He may lessen it, He helps us through it, He strengthens us so it does not seem as big in our lives.

Any addiction does not just get taken away. An addict must go through rehab, therapy, etc. Even after that, the addiction is still there, the addict is  just stronger now. He/she can’t go around the addictive substance because they are still addicted to it.

The main point is that mental illnesses do not disappear. It takes an effort from you to ask for God’s help, help yourself, and take action on overcoming it.

You can and you will. God loves you and cares for you, He will not let you fall without helping you get back up. He wants to show you the power He has in IN you. That you can help yourself through Him and His grace. Stay positive, never give up, and most importantly- know God has so much more for your life than anxiety and depression.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you letter to the boy who rejected me

We all have that boy that we adored in high school. We would wake up earlier and spend extra time getting ready just to get his attention. We constantly check our phones hoping he would text us first and if he didn’t we would eventually get brave enough and text him first. (Then hide our phone under the couch so we wouldn’t be tempted to check it and get disappointed)

And sometimes he would text back, sometimes we would have really long texting conversations. They may have been meaningless, but at least I had his attention.

Somehow he always turned those conversations into something else. Something I didn’t like, something I didn’t want. The oh-so-famous “watchya doin? ;)” text would come… which seemed friendly and casual, but not in his eyes.

In his eyes it was much more. It was a door that I could either open or close. It was his way of testing me and seeing “how far” I would go.

EVERY.FREAKING.TIME.

This coming from the boy who has yet to start a purposeful conversation with me in person. From the boy who hasn’t even taken me on a date yet, and when he has asked it’s because he wanted to sit in a dark movie theater and do sexual things.

Yes, it hurt me. It tore me up. Feeling like the only way I could be with you is to let you have ALL of me. Because, just being me and being around me was not enough for you. I was not enough for you.

Though I went through a lot of pain then, while you were happy, I think I got the bigger end of the stick-you led me to my husband.

You pushed my away from sex-seeking pigs, like yourself. If you would have dated me and shown me that I had a chance I would probably still be chasing guys like you-pigs.

You taught me exactly what a boyfriend/future husband should NOT be. You taught me from the very beginning that I don’t want a guy like you to support me- or in your case, tear me down.

Every time your hurt me and rejected me because I would not give into your lust, you pushed me close and closer to real men and away from childish boys- like yourself and punk friends that you would try to brag to.

Because of you and the memories you scarred me with, I am more and more thankful for my wonderful husband who loves me unconditionally.

You made me realize the reality of guys and how rare the nice ones are, so when I landed one, I was beyond grateful.

Thank you for pushing me towards my husband, my future and my happiness.

Sincerely,

The girl you rejected in high school.

 

P.S. I hate you 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is waiting really worth it?

Growing up, especially as Christians, we hear the phrase “The wait is worth it” a whole freaking lot.

This phrase is typically used when referring to sex, dating, growing up, etc. All things that parents hate their kids doing.

Now, I am not supporting pre-marital sex by any means. (I actually very strongly oppose it). What I do support though, is adventures, growing, becoming the you that God is trying to prosper inside of yourself.

Often times we get that phrase hammered in us so hard as kids, we subconsciously think about it 24/7 in our adolescent and adulthood. We get scared of jumping towards something big, of running after something that seems so far away. We get scared of growing. We start to believe that waiting and sitting still is always the right choice, until we know for sure.

IT IS NOT.

God does not want us to sit still in this lifetime. He does not want us waiting around for someone else to do our job. We cannot just, as Daya says, “sit still, look pretty”, until God gives us an undeniable sign.

God is constantly pushing us, constantly putting desires, thrives and hope in our heart to do the unimaginable in this world.

God’s timing is perfect.

But, how often do we miss God’s perfect timing because we are too busy waiting? Too busy looking for a bigger sign that can reassure us?

I believe this comes down to trust. Are we trusting God enough in his mercy, grace and perfection to not sit still? Can we trust Him in the midst of jumping into something that could potentially harm us?

Why do we wait so much?

This world is so full of brokenness, hurt and betrayal that we want to be in control and know everything before we commit.

That is not how the God, or the world works.

God wants you to commit to Him and His plan before you know all the details. Why? Because it shows trust, it shows bravery and it shows commitment.

{Commitment is something this world is very scared of}

Honestly, if we knew what was going to happen to us before we committed to God, how many of us would back out when we saw the persecution, trials, and temptation?

The truth is, waiting is not always worth it.

Waiting gives somebody else the chance to steal your opportunities.

So, the next time you are waiting for a “sign” from God to ask that pretty girl out on a date, deciding what college to go to, what job to take, etc.

Just go for it. Give it all you got. Don’t hold back and remember if you fall, God already has His hands out to catch you before you slip.

 

 

Why I’m actually an Only Child

Growing up in a household of six people, you wouldn’t expect me to consider myself an only child. But that household was broken into a million different pieces and most of the time it felt like I was on my own little broken off piece, away from everyone.

Sure, I grew up having three older brothers and we would fight, argue, wrestle and cause disruption throughout the neighborhood often. But somehow that did not make us a family.

The reality of it is that there were very few days where the whole “family” was actually together. Most days the oldest brother was on the run from the cops, the middle brother was at his real mom’s and the other middle brother was either at his real dad’s or off with his friends.

The times we were together as a family, it was filled with laughter, memories and joy… but not always… There were also days that were filled with arguing, physical fighting, cops and brokenness.

What the most heartbreaking thing is about this situation is that my brothers have siblings on their other side of the family and they just seemed more…. like family. They were closer with those siblings, they had a genuine relationships with them.

Still to this day I see selfies and pictures of them hanging out. And I can’t help but think of how awkward it would be to ask those strangers called my brothers to hang out with me outside of family events and take goofy/fun selfies with me.

But I just thought this is how families are, this is what happens to everyone.

I thought all third grade girls were babysit by their older brothers after school where they were exposed to nudity, inappropriate language, and vulgar music way too soon. I thought all sisters were told to go play in the street by their brothers and constantly be pushed away from them.

I thought it was all normal. But now that I am seeing the effects it has had one me and how I am still dealing with some of these issues today, I now know that it is not normal. It is not what God intended family to be.

And in this day and age it is very normal. That is a typical family. Which is sad.

When my parents divorced, it made our brokenness even more broken. Whatever type of relationship I did have with my family was gone. My brothers were not my brothers. They were strangers in my house who never talked to me. I felt awkward around my parents even when we were alone.

I know my brothers will always be my brothers to me, I have never considered them my half-brothers, just my brothers.

But, what I don’t know is what I am to them.